The misadventures of a fatbloke and 13/60 Herald named Poppy

[kstrutt1]

Fortunately we have a conservatory with a tiled but heated floor it is the only room I am allowed to take clean car parts like seats into.


Kevin

[arceye]

Ha... just tell them who is the boss. I had the minis master cylinder in the kitchen yesterday not a word of complaint

but then I suppose I only got away with it as you aren't very likely to find the missus in our kitchen so she'll never know

[tractorman]

Perhaps if you cancelled the life insurance policy, you could afford to get the seats sorted by a professional. If you tell the boss that, she may be more lenient in the "no car stuff in the house" rule - I suspect she'll think that the policy may be needed if you keep working on the car!!

[Fatbloke]

Different but the same! (Not about my 13/60 though. Sorry)

Last night, I was driving out of London having dropped my daughter off at her Uni digs after a weekend at home and it reminded me that 26 years ago, I was regularly making the same Sunday night trip after spending the weekend with the future Mrs FB in the nurse’s home at Kings College Hospital.

I started to wax lyrical in my head about how things have changed in this time and indeed how they haven’t. I thought I would share these thought with you.

1989
I’m 21, fit and handsome.
2014
I’m 46, fat and balding.

1989
The theme tune at the end of All Creatures Great and Small signifies that it is 8 o’clock and time for me to leave the future Mrs FB until the next weekend.
2014
The theme tune to Big Bang Theory is playing which signifies nothing as it seems to be on one channel or another 24/7, but it is 8 o’clock and time to leave my daughter until her washing pile reaches epic proportions or the need for home cooked food reminds her that we exist and we get the phone call to book the taxi. (Me).

1989
Wrap up in hat gloves and coat knowing that the asthmatic heater in my 1978 Morris Marina 1.3 delux won’t push out anything approaching luke warm air until Newbury.
2014
Wonder whether to set the climate control to a refreshing 19 deg or a balmy 22 in my 2012 Honda Civic 2.2CDi SE

1989
Fumble about under the dim glow of a street lamp to check my oil, water and dashpot levels are all correct.
2014
Turn on the ignition and wait for the car to tell me if my oil, water or tyre pressures need any attention.

1989
Start the engine and push the TDK D90 cassette that has Queens greatest hits on it into the aftermarket tape deck with the built in but pointless 8 channel graphic equaliser. (It looked really cool though)
2014
Start the engine and plug my USB stick that has the entire Queen back catalogue among others on it into the USB slot fitted as standard.

1989
10 minutes after leaving, it starts to rain. I switch on my wipers and watch them skip and crawl across the screen and wonder if those plastic wind vanes I’ve fitted to the wiper arms serve any other purpose than to look super cool! I also try to position my right leg to avoid the drips from the leaky windscreen seal.
2014
10 minutes after leaving, it starts to rain. Wipers automatically sense the rain and sweep majestically over the screen.

1989
Engine dies while waiting at the traffic lights. Pop the bonnet, jump out and chase the water out of the HT leads with a can of wd40.
2014
Engine dies at the traffic lights. After a moment of panic, I remember it’s just the auto stop start fuel saving system.

1989.
Windscreen is so misted up now that I can’t see so grab the sodden chamois pad and wipe the windscreen. Repeat at regular intervals until home.
2014
Notice that windscreen is starting to mist up slightly. Press the demist button. 10 seconds later, the screen is completely clear, my eyebrows are pointing north and my eyeballs have dried out so kill the demist and wonder why I still carry the chamois pad. (Why do eyebrows suddenly forget when to stop growing when you get to 45??)

1989.
Join the M4 and remind myself not to drive at over 55mph or the engine will squirt out all its oil before I get home.
2014.
Join the M4 and can’t drive at more than 55mph because of the traffic and road works. Set cruise control at 55 so I won’t get done by the average speed cameras.

1989
As I drive past Heston services I decide a coffee might be nice so balance the thermos cup on my knee and pour the coffee into the cup and into my lap. Exclaim at the sudden temperature change “down there” and resign myself to driving the rest of the way home with the feeling that I’ve wet myself.
2014
Lift my thermally insulated cup from the centre consul and have another sip. Switch off the heated seat as it makes me feel as though I’ve wet myself.

1989
At Slough now and need a ciggy. Remove gloves and fumble around coat pocket and seats looking for my JPS and matches. Open matches upside down in the dark and empty them into the foot well. Scrabble around between my feet looking for a dry match that hasn’t fallen in the mixture of spilt coffee and rainwater slopping about in the foot well.
2014
Have a few puffs on my e-Cig.

1989
I thank the gods that I have reached J16 of M4 and am nearly home. I try to prize my frozen fingers from the steering wheel ready to manoeuvre round the junctions.
2014.
Slightly surprised to have reached J16 already, I voice activate my hands free mobile phone to dial Mrs FB and let her know I’m nearly home.

1989
With vast relief that I’ve made it, I pull up outside my cold and empty 2 bed terraced and stagger with a stiff back and legs into my house to make a brew and thaw out.
2014
Pull up outside my warm and cosy family home and walk in to be welcomed by the loving Mrs FB and youngest daughter bearing a glass of Merlot and bread and cheese for my tea.

My conclusion then? Wasn’t every drive back then an adventure?

[JPB]

It's funny 'cos it's true..

But are you saying that you have to switch the cruise control on by yourself in the Honda? How old fashioned is that! My Mexican/Chinese/German modern switches its cruise on automatically unless I stab the brake control with my left thumb (oh the effort of it all) or knock the radar off to allow my fingers to do the driving. Worse still, the ba5t4rd can read speed limit signs and does so with frankly disturbing effectiveness.
At least the old Rebel gave me some exercise as I had to take my hands off the wheel to brake, declutch, adjust the throttle or change gear. It seems that modern motors can do all of these things and park themselves, though I ticked the "You must be f'n joking" box on the order form for that option! These days, reverse parking is the only fun I get in most of my time behind the wheel so I often go out and do it purely for the sh*ts and giggles, as the young folk would say.

I only ever owned one Marina and it was at least 37% better than the haters said it would be, in fact I liked it.

[Fatbloke]

I only ever owned one Marina and it was at least 37% better than the haters said it would be, in fact I liked it.

It was my 1st car so I loved it! and at least as good as anything my freinds were driving at the time.

[TerryG]

My dad had a marina, there are some posts on here somewhere with me explaining the rust was rather extensive. I would happily own lots of the past family cars but I never really enjoyed the marina. possibly because every time he drove it, you would get to your destination fairly quickly (1.8TC) then it would explode in a cloud of steam.

[Fatbloke]

Yes I seem to remeber a post where you said your Dad used to push you through the rust holes in the wing!

[Grumpy Northener]

I only ever owned one Marina and it was at least 37% better than the haters said it would be, in fact I liked it.

Snap - I also had a Marina and it was not that bad of a car, bought cheap (£200 I think) I put a pair of front wings on it and a boot lid to get rid of the rot in the panels - it was solid otherwise - I did a full paint job in the original colour of Denim Blue Metallic - gold coachline from memory, factory fitted black vinyl roof, dark blue velour interior - and was a 1700 HL on a T - 78 / 79 plate - ran it for a year and sold it for well over £1,000

[tractorman]

The worst thing about a Marina is the great wit, J Clarkson esq. The impressionable viewers thing he knows something about cars, they believe him and the other idiots when they say how poor the Marina was.

Mother's Marina (there's a photo of her th day she bought it in 1976 somewhere on the forum) was a great car - even in the winter of 1978/9, when Mother used to take me to and from Newcastle for chemo etc. I treated it to some way-type oil when we first bought it (I think it was Supertrol!) and repeated the treatment regularly. OK, it did rust through the back corner of the n/s sill within four years or so - the local garage welded a patch for me - and there was a small hole above the n/s headlamp a year or so later (a bit of filler cured that!). Mother gave the car to my sister when she bought the first Metro (late 1984) and my sister used it for her nursing work for a couple of years before selling it to a learner driver.

However, a boss had a new 1972 1.3 coupe (K reg) that was white and had lots of large holes when it was replaced by a 1.3 saloon in 1975 (I think - it was M reg delivered in April!). the second one lasted better - running in was a lot of (indicated) 100MPH drives between the two branches he managed (about 20 miles apart)! Strangely enough, the boss was a friend of a high-ranking Police officer - and he never got done for speeding in the county! I have to confess, both cars could fly - very free revving engines indeed!!