The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here".
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Jokes thread
Re: Jokes thread
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
From the Gloucestershire Echo, 2nd February 2011.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/54571402@N02/5415059753/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/54571402@N02/5415059753/
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
Interesting clock - when its running click on it to get the date......
http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html
http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
As a big fan of Adam Hart-Davis I'm really looking forward to tonight's triple bill on BBC 4:
20:00 What the Romans did for us
21:00 What the Victorians did for us
22:00 What the French did for us
22:01 BBC News
20:00 What the Romans did for us
21:00 What the Victorians did for us
22:00 What the French did for us
22:01 BBC News
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
Neil was heading out to the pub
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Maggie - put your hat and coat on, lassie.'
She replied, ' Awe Neil that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with you?'
'Nay, Neil replied, I'm switching the heater off while I'm out.'
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Maggie - put your hat and coat on, lassie.'
She replied, ' Awe Neil that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with you?'
'Nay, Neil replied, I'm switching the heater off while I'm out.'
Understeer: when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Re: Jokes thread
An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just let out a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Understeer: when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
-
chrissyboy
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:57 pm
- Location: Pub
Re: Jokes thread
A dog is truly a mans best friend. If you don't believe it, try this simple experiment............................
Put your dog and your wife in the boot of your car for an hour. When you open the boot, see who is the happiest to see you.......................
Put your dog and your wife in the boot of your car for an hour. When you open the boot, see who is the happiest to see you.......................
Eyup!
Re: Jokes thread
Newspaper correction - http://twitpic.com/3x9wso
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
I was going to take my children to see the new Margaret Thatcher movie but then I saw it was unsuitable for miners
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
An asylum seeker arives at Dover and is greeted by a genie.
"You are allowed 3 wishes" Announces the genie.
"Ok for my first wish I'd like to have a big house near the beach where me and all of my family can live"
BOOM! A big house appears out of nowhere.
"For my second wish I'd love something to eat!"
BOOM! A feast with all of the finest foods appears
"Amazing" Says the asylum seeker "For my third wish I'd like a British passport!"
BOOM! Suddenly the big house dissappears and so does the big feast. The genie presents him with his passport.
"But wait" The asylum seeker cries "Where has my house and my food gone??"
"You arer British now" Replies the genie "You're not entitled to them anymore!!"
"You are allowed 3 wishes" Announces the genie.
"Ok for my first wish I'd like to have a big house near the beach where me and all of my family can live"
BOOM! A big house appears out of nowhere.
"For my second wish I'd love something to eat!"
BOOM! A feast with all of the finest foods appears
"Amazing" Says the asylum seeker "For my third wish I'd like a British passport!"
BOOM! Suddenly the big house dissappears and so does the big feast. The genie presents him with his passport.
"But wait" The asylum seeker cries "Where has my house and my food gone??"
"You arer British now" Replies the genie "You're not entitled to them anymore!!"
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.