Practically Classics Forum

Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone. What sort of sick person does that to someone’s Advent calendar ?

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.

Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.

The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate; when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

Q, Why do blonde's leave empty milk bottle's in the fridge ????

A, Incase anybody asks for black coffee!!!!!!!

Q: why are hurricanes given womens names?

A: because when you first see them they are all wet and wild and when they leave your house and car are gone

A military advisor rushed into George Bush's office & said "Sir, three Brazillian soldiers have been killed in Iraq.

George Bush says "My God, that's terrible"..........he then turns to the aide stood next to him and asks "how many's a Brazillion?"