Jokes thread

[Mitsuru]

I just got knocked down and run over by a lorry salting the road! "i`ll get you,you bastard" i said through gritted teeth.

[Mitsuru]

[youtube]http://youtu.be/FM90lwrz4Og[/youtube]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... M90lwrz4Og

[Mitsuru]

How to drive some nuts with text messages!

[Minxy]

I've got a job interview tomorrow to become an Argos delivery driver.


To show them that I'll fit in well, I'm going to turn up anytime I like between 7am and 7pm!!

[Minxy]

I was watching the London marathon and saw one contestant dressed as a chicken and another as an egg.
I thought, this could be interesting.

[Minxy]

Banna....banann....barna.....banar....ba.....bina.....Ohh

[Mitsuru]

[Minxy]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

[Mitsuru]

The head of Audi is feeling horny, so rings for an escort, when the escort arrives he
explains to her that he is a bit kinky and likes to use a certain technique during sex,
the escort says that she has dealt with kinky before, and as long as he is willing to
pay the money anything goes... The head of Audi opens a small case containing four
pieces of rope, four mattress springs and a duck caller...

The escort asks what are we going to do with them, the head of Audi explains, we
tie the springs to your knees and elbows, and you get down on all fours with the
duck caller in your mouth, and I mount you from behind... the escort agrees... after
several hours of being bounced around the room on the springs, and attracting every
duck within a ten mile radius they collapse on the floor exhausted but very satisfied,
the escort says that she has never before been pleased by a client and asks the
head of Audi what his technique is called, to which he replies...

The Four Spring Duck Technique...

[Minxy]

Moonlight doesn't exist. The light emitting from the moon is actually light that is reflected from the sun.

If this is the case then wouldn't all the vampires that roam the streets at night turn into dust?

Science 1 : Twilight 0