Jokes thread
Re: Jokes thread
Last edited by Mitsuru on Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm Diabetic,& disabled BUT!! NOT DEAD YET!!
Re: Jokes thread
I never wanted to believe that my Dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030?
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India" formerly known as Australia.
Jersey executes last remaining Greenie.
White minorities still trying to have English recognised as UK's third language.
Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.
Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice.
Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.
Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.
Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.
Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.
Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation! Serves them right.
Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.
Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
After a ten year £75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labour Party: Scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.
Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.
Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.
Bradford won this years FA cup final beating the Hindu Hornets 4-1.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India" formerly known as Australia.
Jersey executes last remaining Greenie.
White minorities still trying to have English recognised as UK's third language.
Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.
Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice.
Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.
Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.
Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.
Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.
Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation! Serves them right.
Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.
Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
After a ten year £75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labour Party: Scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.
Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.
Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.
Bradford won this years FA cup final beating the Hindu Hornets 4-1.
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
Tetley saying again the best way to get a good cup of tea is to agitate the bag.
Works for me. I slap the wife on the bum and say 'and don't forget the two sugars, fatty'.
Works for me. I slap the wife on the bum and say 'and don't forget the two sugars, fatty'.
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
I really need to confront my phobia of German sausages, but I fear the wurst.
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
A Chinese guy stood next to me last night at the bar. I said to him, 'Do you know martial arts, like Kung-Fu and Ju-Jitsu?'
'Why you ask?' he says. 'Is it because I’m Chinese?'
I said 'No, it’s because you’re drinking my pint.'
'Why you ask?' he says. 'Is it because I’m Chinese?'
I said 'No, it’s because you’re drinking my pint.'
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
An englishman, an irishman and a scotsman walk into a bar and ask "Where is the Welshman?" to which he replies, "Still in New Zealand!"
I'm Diabetic,& disabled BUT!! NOT DEAD YET!!
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Willy Eckerslyke
- Posts: 225
- Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2011 2:35 pm
Re: Jokes thread
A woodpecker goes into a pub and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
Re: Jokes thread
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.
He had a Wigan address!!
He had a Wigan address!!
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.
Re: Jokes thread
Congratulations to Sir Paul and let's hope that unlike his last wife this one has both feet on the ground
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.