Practically Classics Forum

Well it was a long time ago but we certainly had some inventive and often cruel nicknames.

There was of course Batman & Robin, though “Robin” had also been known as Johnny Bumbo. We had Kung Fu Harris, a metalwork teacher, who was prone to throw tools at unruly pupils.

Head of middle school, Ken Deaf, was nicknamed for obvious reasons. Due to the risk of vandalism and skiving/bunking (We called it bunking), the toilets were locked during lesson time. If you had to leave school during school time, you needed a pass. Sometimes when pupils asked Ken Deaf for a pass, he would reply, “They’re hanging on the back of the door”; with no admonishment for apparently being so course!!!

There was Spunkeye, Skull, Grasshopper, Gay Graham, Rolf (He looked like Mr Harris), Tania Tits (For obvious reasons), Gough (& Drop), Gaylan, Wimpey, Dick a liar, Josh, Charlie Crow, Olly Owl, George Hook, Slab and no doubt others I have forgotten. I’ll post them if I remember them.

There was old Hitler, who deserves a special mention. He got his name because of his moustache (He was a good teacher). A couple of years after I left school, someone asked me if I had heard that Hitler, the biology teacher, was dead? I had not but then, one day shortly after, I saw him. He looked a tad pasty but he was certainly not dead. I seen to recall he had suffered a heart attack but it had not proved fatal. That is the last time I did see him however.

Mike, it sounds to me as though you need one of these for your daughter's ballet dancing feet:



My foot tracks perfectly thanks Terry.

I remembered more nicknames from the Perth lot: Ms Spowart was known as Spuggy, then she married Fat Nige, one of the Biology teachers and he became Mr Spuggy even though it was she who took his name when they tied the knot, logic that's served us well in adult life. The Gaf's name was Mr Little but he shared his home with a pair of giant poodles and so acquired the name Little Big Man. That lasted right up to the point when he was visiting the capital for a national head teachers' seminar and the silly sausage got himself caught searching for holiday property in Musselburgh late one night. At least I think that's what "cottageing" means.
He was a bloody nice bloke and drove a Maxi which he was said to have used for interviewing estate agents during his excursions to the beachside lavatory, a good place to hold a meeting and chosen presumably because it was well lit.

Saving the best for last, "Soppy Wally" was the - rather unkind even if meant affectionately - name we used for French teacher Mr Walter Matthews, back down in Alnwick where he was a teacher of French literature at the Grammar School during my 6th form days.
He was, put simply, the most eccentric person I ever met and died before his time during the mid '80s when he was only a year or so into retirement. RIP Mr Matthews, you mad old bugger. You'll never know how much trouble your firm yet fair style saved my getting into.

Most of my teachers were just called ****!