I'm thinking of opening a UK franchise. Anyone want in?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF_nfazQaek
Jokes thread
Re: Jokes thread
chloroform FTW 
Understeer: when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Re: Jokes thread
Did anyone happen to notice whither Texas and South Carolina appeared on that list at the end? 
J
"Home is where you park it", so the saying goes. That may yet come true..
"Home is where you park it", so the saying goes. That may yet come true..
Re: Jokes thread
God promised that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Then he made the world round.....
Then he made the world round.....
Some people are like Slinkies - they serve no useful purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them downstairs.
Re: Jokes thread
Hey mate,
I really need your advice for a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that the Mrs has been cheating, all the
usual signs, phone rings, I answer it, they hang up. she's been going out
with the girls a lot...
I tried to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I kept
falling asleep.
Then last night about midnight, I hid outside behind my motorcycle when she
came back. She got out of someone's car, she was buttoning up her blouse,
then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them back on. As I
crouched down behind the bike I suddenly noticed a crack in the engine
mounting.
Is that something I can weld, or will I have to replace it?
I really need your advice for a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that the Mrs has been cheating, all the
usual signs, phone rings, I answer it, they hang up. she's been going out
with the girls a lot...
I tried to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I kept
falling asleep.
Then last night about midnight, I hid outside behind my motorcycle when she
came back. She got out of someone's car, she was buttoning up her blouse,
then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them back on. As I
crouched down behind the bike I suddenly noticed a crack in the engine
mounting.
Is that something I can weld, or will I have to replace it?
I'm Diabetic,& disabled BUT!! NOT DEAD YET!!
Re: Jokes thread
Yes pleaseUKJeeper wrote:I'm thinking of opening a UK franchise. Anyone want in?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF_nfazQaek
Re: Jokes thread
Wife to husband
"You know a bull has sex 3000 times a year! Why can't you?"
Husband
"You ask the bull if he sleeps with the same miserable cow every night!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wife's sister knocked me out yesterday, the cow put chloroform on her knickers!
"You know a bull has sex 3000 times a year! Why can't you?"
Husband
"You ask the bull if he sleeps with the same miserable cow every night!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wife's sister knocked me out yesterday, the cow put chloroform on her knickers!
I'm Diabetic,& disabled BUT!! NOT DEAD YET!!
Re: Jokes thread
I was walking the dog though the cemetery this morning and I saw this guy crouching behind a grave stone.
I said ' Morning '
He replied, ' No just having a s**t '
I said ' Morning '
He replied, ' No just having a s**t '
I'm Diabetic,& disabled BUT!! NOT DEAD YET!!
Re: Jokes thread
Understeer: when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Oversteer: when you hit the wall with the back of the car.
Horsepower: how fast you hit the wall.
Torque: how far you take the wall with you.
Re: Jokes thread
A Yank gets off the plane, gets into a cab, he gives the taxi driver the hotel name in Blackpool and off they set.. As they get into the journey the Yank asks, "Whats that?"
The taxi driver replies, "That's the Pepsi big-one, biggest roller-coaster in England, built in 1996 in 6 months costing 20 million" and the Yank replies,"We have one twice as big as that at home, only took 3 months to build and cost $40 million".
200 yards down the prom and the Yank again asks, "Whats that?", the taxi driver again advises, "That's the south pier, largest pier in Europe, built in 1899 at a cost of £5 million in just under 12 months", the Yank replies..."we have one twice as long as that at home, only took 6 months to build and cost $10 million".
200 yards further down the prom the Yank spots Blackpool tower, he asks "Wow, whats that?"
"No idea," said the taxi driver, "wasn't there this morning."
The taxi driver replies, "That's the Pepsi big-one, biggest roller-coaster in England, built in 1996 in 6 months costing 20 million" and the Yank replies,"We have one twice as big as that at home, only took 3 months to build and cost $40 million".
200 yards down the prom and the Yank again asks, "Whats that?", the taxi driver again advises, "That's the south pier, largest pier in Europe, built in 1899 at a cost of £5 million in just under 12 months", the Yank replies..."we have one twice as long as that at home, only took 6 months to build and cost $10 million".
200 yards further down the prom the Yank spots Blackpool tower, he asks "Wow, whats that?"
"No idea," said the taxi driver, "wasn't there this morning."
Never play chess with a pigeon. It will knock all the pieces over, S*#t on the board and then strut around pretending it won.